Believe it or not there are some simple solutions to end the cycle of cutting.
First we need to do some house keeping before we move forward. You are far smarter than you realize. Once some of these issues are defined, Poof you will be in a much better situation. And Poof, you will decide not to cut. Not to say all your issues will be resolved but most likely you will feel a moment of clarity. And poof your feet will start to touch the ground.
You might not realize it but the fact that you are reading this shows that you are capable. You might not have all the answers or solutions but there are some. Your life might not be a bed of roses, but you do have some horsepower, some ability and some raw power that is untapped.
There are a easy list of things that cause trouble; Stress, difficulty, loss, shame, pressure and a need for distance from trouble. These are related to issues that cause people pain. You have heard people say Take-off. Why? Why do they say that? Or Get off my back, or get off me. Why do they say that. People of all ages will want to be left alone at some point. People of all ages want love and respect and less weight on them. People of all ages want things to go their way once in a while without things falling apart. You want the same as I do.
People try and fail to manage the pressure of life. Someone you know just wont listen. One key point, when you try to speak you are shut down. When you try to get a job or find a friend or get something, something or someone stops you or steps on you. You might even have a lack of ability to achieve what you want and it causes you to feel loss and to feel a loss of control. The result is Anxiety. Anxiety comes in many forms. We fell loss shame and hopelessness many times mixed together in a blender so we have a hard time even knowing what we are feeling.
Do you know what ‘fight or flight is’? Its a chemical reaction that automatically kicks in when you have stress. Sometimes “fighting and flight” doesn’t work in your favour. It causes you tension inside.
So what do people do to get away or push back. Some drink. Some do drugs. Some Eat. Some seek out Sexual partners. Why? When things go into the ditch people want some type of soothing and relief. Thats why. It might surprise you to know that, But when you are cut or burned your body sends out pleasure chemicals and that can provide you relief like drinking or drugs. These chemicals can be addictive. Cutting and harming yourself can become a behaviour, even an addiction.
It might surprise people to learn that cutting is a way to do something that no one can say anything about because its your own body. Its a way of taking a stand. Im doing it, you cant stop me! It can be a type of taking back power. It might be a way of gaining control and being out of control all at the same time and a way to get pleasure. Yes, Pleasure from Pain. Losing control in Alcohol for example is to some degree taking control. Doing as you wish without another persons consent. Its why some girls will go after bad boys, simply to spite their parents. To be independent. In an attempt to push trouble back they go to something or someone forbidden and most likely find trouble than they bargained for. And to a degree in the moment there is some power in doing that. You win! But are you just a pawn playing a rigged game? Letting one situation shove you into the ditch is not winning, but it might feel like it in the moment.
So for a second, you get pleasure, you express pain, you win, and you grieve all in one shot. But there is a flaw. It causes you harm. And it doesn’t solve your problems. That other pressure or problem still exists.
If life is against you. If there is a army against you. You should decide upfront right now to be on your own side. Others might want to abuse you. Others might take things from you. Life might bite you. But you should not join that opposition and harm yourself. In effect you end up working for them against you. Acting against yourself is joining your enemies to fight against you.
So the solution starts with choosing to be on your own side. You might see this as a mind trick, but No, the trickiness is actually how life has put so much pressure on you that you act out your pain against yourself. The big moment is when You deciding to look after yourself and not act against yourself.
This is no trick. Its one of the first acts of true humanity you might do. I am not saying to treat others poorly or to forget charity, but as they say, charity starts at home. There is a fundamental human right. There is something people cant take away from you even if you are in a war camp. Even in a cage beaten and starved for water in a war camp, there is one thing they cant do. They cant force you to act against yourself. You must choose at the very least to be on your side and not act against yourself. its literally a win. Its one less problem, one less pain. One less conflict when you stop acting against yourself.
In life from time to time you will happen on a special moment. This is that moment. Hey, Doing this is not in my best interest.
Acting on your behalf can be as simple as you turning away a box of donuts to, telling someone to leave you. You might say, I need to get home so I can study for an exam. Choosing your interest first when it matters, is healing. That tension to do what someone else is pushing you to do against your own self interest causes you stress. That can cause you to cut or to abandon your self and your needs.
Choices need to be managed. Your choices need to be your choices. And some times you can say, Ok, I will get nothing out of this, but the other person needs me, so I will help. But its your choice to let go. We all do that but do we do it under pressure or willingly.
While we all want to please people, some times we please them but then don’t please ourselves. Each person is tasked at looking after their needs and in emergencies some times we have opportunity to look after others. You are not breaking rules or friendships or being unkind when you choose to look after your homework or you decide not to drink or you chose not to cut. You actually matter and it is a fundamental Law.
Cutting yourself is not just a fit as some might see it. Cutting yourself is Grief, Pain, anger, control and not knowing the path forward but wanting relief. But in winning you end up hurting yourself and rather than voicing what will be shut down, you act out against yourself instead in a type of retaliation.
Cutting generally is not the same as suicide, but both some times can be done with a hope someone will notice. While most of the time these things are done in secret, there is this Odd mind bending thing that says, I hope that some act of divine chance will intervene an fix all this. In the back of it there is this longing for some Hope. And some times that does happen. Its not often you get is a post or Opinion Piece on the Internet about Cutting just at the right time. But its unreasonable to think if you jump off a building someone who does not know you are jumping will happen to show up. And if they don’t and shouldn’t determine your value one way or another. People do not wait around generally to call you or anyone. Your value is not dependent on another persons opinion. Even if someone matters to you, what does that have to do with self harm. I find it fascinating how we can take one Idea and link it to another and create a logic that is not valid. We all have done it in some way at some time.
There is a lot more to say on this subject. One thing for sure, even if you have done a lot of wrong; And even if you lost just about everything. You do deserve to have yourself as an allied friend . At the very least you should be working for yourself and not against yourself. There is many other issues and time to help others.
There are many other issues we all deal with to some degree. There is loss, depression, OCD and a list of other issues that contribute to cutting. No one can cover all those things in one article.
The biggest step here for this OP right now is to decide to be on your own side and not on the side of the attacker. Thats a wall you are allowed to build. You Decide to work on your behalf.
Next Point: Now is the time to stop the lie. The lie that someone might have put in your head that you are not good enough. Its easy for them to say. What a gift from them. Wow. Like going trick or treating and getting hit by a emotional 2×4. Thanks for nothing.. They will toss an emotional grenade into your ‘life car’ while getting jollies doing it. How dare they.
When people are harsh and mean, It was a hurtful thing by them and not about you. Letting them judge the value of you and others is debilitating . What an emotional drag. This is another a core issue to sort out. Blame and judging. Everyone has a human right to have self respect and some level of individuality. So rather than being on their side of someone lobbing grenades into your life car. Tell them, No thanks.
Deciding You’re not on their chopping block is a grand step. I will not participate in the harming of myself. And I am not here for you to dump on. Attacks are generally not for your benefit. Generally attacks are someone else venting. some people have vindictive behaviour. Rarely, can we just discuss an issue on its merits without getting into a conflict and its unfortunate.
One step at a time. There is a lot more out there and there are people who are not tossing harm toward you all the time. While there are a lot of jerks and life is not a bunch of roses, there are moments where some good will pop up.
One Positive moment for today may be that you will not cutting today. I am not helping life and its troubles to put wedge against me and myself causing me to blame myself and harm myself. stop the pile on. I will not pile on myself. Thats a big win for any day.
When pressure and trouble are against you be on your own side. Do not join them in the attack against you. Take yourself out of their control.
The Next Next point: I have a list of life experiences that might help, but, I don’t feel the need, nor will cave to the pressure of having to tell my story to get credibility. You know what. I believe me. And thats enough. And as you all know with the attacks online and but bully behavior of some, there’s a push for us to prove everything to everyone. We do not need to prove everything we say. At some point you sort of realize, hold it a second. get off me. I trust me. This is beyond not taking action against yourself. Its beyond ignoring Bullies. This is simply believing your ideas might be pretty fantastic some times and trusting your guidance. This is about confidence not just avoidance. Your character or mental ability are yours.
Bully Behaviour is about the Bully, their behaviour and not about you. You should literally tell yourself. That behaviour is their problem and that you are not the problem. Still its an attack. Avoiding them will also be a win for you.
So to rap up, There is nothing that shuts you down more than someone who will just speak over you and discount what you say. This is just one more thing in your life, you can take back. Belief in myself. Not only have I chosen not to harm myself. I am also taking myself off the trial block. Its one thing to do exams and have to prove that one has done the work, its another to have some troll bully online tell you your worthless and stupid, ugly and your mother dresses you funny. When they are like that. They are the problem not you.
Today is my day. I hope its yours. Life will bring trouble, but hopefully today we can have the restoration of two things. I don’t have to be on trial by trolls and I don’t have to attack myself.
And one more thing. The Next Next Next thing. I don’t have to be perfect. As you might have noticed, my English is poor. I know that. And its all I got. Its better than nothing. And if a troll harasses me about it, I am honest. Yes, I don’t have any more skill than this. But I am happy I got what I got. My worth is not on the table for your to cut up. Accepting you do have failures and thats OK is helpful in lowering anxiety. You cant be found out if you admit you fail. Setting up a standard that you cant have a failure leaves you like a glass ball in a house full of baseball bats. (so thats all I have on cutting for today… but I have a bunny trail below to discuss. )
Now I want to take a bunny trail. Weee! You might have noticed that his is my Christian website. And while its not perfect, and I will gladly take some criticisms I don’t feel any shame for my choices to become a Christian. I think it was a masterstroke in my life. Of all the people; Jesus understands pain and suffering, low self esteem, poverty and Loss. If you end up following this site. I will on occasion bring up some topics like cutting. There is a lot of abuse, depression, controlling behaviour and critical people in the world. Some days it can be a hail storm. You might even have lived with a few people and that have contributed to your cutting and the pressure on you. But its not about blaming them either. The wind in the sails of the blame ship are destructive.
I am a Christian. I value my relationship with God. I have learned a lot from studying the bible. I will post a few scriptures that come to mind. They might not exactly relate but if you have better you can always post one below..
I didn’t know it at first but was God trying to help me. While i was pushing others away, it wasn’t till I let my guard down and accepted Jesus Christ that things righted themselves. Now when I am in trouble, I have God on my side. My skin did not burn off, my hair did not start on fire and being a Christian didn’t shrink my T-shirts.
Spend some time on the site. Click on some of the links, the words underlined generally link to scriptures or a video. have fun and explore. Life is far bigger than the situation of this moment.
Jesus Christ is Salvation. There is Hope, not just for this moment, but for a future. There is a whole set of events in life to chose. A whole other path and a future that includes a billion years with God which starts with giving your life to Jesus Christ and starting out again doing things his way. You want to be saved. Jesus Christ is salvation. I hope the above was helpful. ( here is some soft scriptures and some music below. You may find that they are a life line in times of stress.)
For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.
1 You have searched me, Lord,
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you, Lord, know it completely.
5 You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts,[a] God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.
19 If only you, God, would slay the wicked!
Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!
20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, Lord,
and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
More than just You and I have found trouble. People have been through a lot. Many have gone through it and came out the other end. Many became followers of God. I hope that is you. May the Lord Bless you and keep you and make his face to shine upon you and give you peace. You are not forgotten. At least be on your own side. I Hope you enjoy this music video about God speaking to us. He is closer to you than you know.
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