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Under the Bed.

Mom chased me up the stairs with a broom in her hand. I looked for a place to hid. I slid under the bed. I was just a kid. Obviously, I was being mouthy or doing something wrong to my sister or something and My mom was going to get me!

My Home life was harsh. My brothers where brutal. We lived disconnected lives from each other. I don’t know what to call it. The dysfunction was a stand off of sorts maybe a double down of wills. There was some peace. It was more like we lived in our separate corners, in a boxing ring. My little sister used to stand looking out the window, watching my brothers bare knuckle fist fight in the back yard. My mom would just tell them to take it out side. The language wasn’t pretty either.

This one specific day I had done something wrong; I guess I did. Its hard to remember so many years later. What I remember was, that my mom was after me with the broom handle.

Before I get into the story, I should say, My Mom is dead now. She died at 59 years old of colon Cancer. While I tried to get close to my mother, we never had the warmth relationship many of you had with your mothers. There was a pragmatism about our family, doing what was needed and leave each other be. Now as an Adult child of Dysfunctional families, I realize I had to learn after the fact what was normal. I had to figure out life on my own. In the last year of her life, My Mom was still gruff, pulling no punches. While, She died long after I was gone from the house I still tried to be there near the end, even with the distance. I was married with a second child soon to be born. I tried to have some closeness the last few days but she was still the gruff tough sharp tongued person.

Back to the story. When I was just a little kid, I mentioned I was was being chased by Mom with the broom handle and I had slid under the bed. There she was swishing the broom handle back and forth under the bed. And there I was trying to avoid getting hit with some success.

I remember that moment because it was a pivotal moment in my life. I clearly remember several thoughts running through my head at the time. I was crying, I was in a bit of a panic. I thought, would I hate my Mom or would I forgive my Mom. To me she was my attacker. But I did not want to become become a bitter person. Even as a kid I had saw what bitterness was like in other people. I saw it in my family and in people at School. I was faced with a choice. Would I hate? or would I forgive?

I chose to forgive. I wanted to remain a soft heart-ed and vulnerable person. Obviously, I was no saint, I don’t even know if I was a Christian at the time, but I knew I didn’t want that bitterness. I believe this was a huge moment in my life.

Yes, because of my youth and my choice to love my attacker, I take things more personally. Some times I can be defensive. At the time and over the years, I have felt pretty small. Yet, over the past 40 years I have gained self esteem. I don’t consider peoples verbal attacks as weighty. Now, Its harder to damage who I am inside. People may try and damage my outside reputation but no one can attack who I am inside. The gift of forgiveness is really a gift to myself.

Most importantly, My heart toward God is softer than it would have been if I had put up walls. When Christ says he does not hold our sins against us, I get it. Gentle forgiveness means something.

2 Corinthians 5:17-21 (KJV) 17 Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. 18 And all things are of God, who hath reconciled us to himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation;
19 To wit, that God was in Christ, reconciling the world unto himself, not imputing their trespasses unto them; and hath committed unto us the word of reconciliation.
20 Now then we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God did beseech you by us: we pray you in Christ’s stead, be ye reconciled to God. 21 For he hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him.

So, because of a few big events in my life, like that one, I do not hold things against people for very long. In the moment its hard, but after I can re-engage people; That is if they don’t remain consistently caustic. Still, I avoid the trouble of tension. The Abandonment issues might have made me a bit co-dependent. I might try to be a people please-r. at times. But it helps me with my relationship with God and with customers. I have learned to stand up for myself without being bitter against some caustic person. I have learned to say good bye to people who are caustic.

I don’t think being soft hearted saves anyone. I don’t think troubles in life gives you a free Pass. I do believe God gives us extra grace when we need it. I have seen it over and over. Being Christian helps me act in the interest of others.

I acted on behalf of my mother in that I forgave Her, but in doing so, really I was acting for myself, and my benefit, not knowing fully what I was gaining. At the time the level of bitterness that comes with not forgiving could have messed my life up real bad. Like anything its easier to preach than practice it.

I wrote all this to say, You do not have to choose to put up walls, harbour judges or retaliate. God has given us a better way. To live kindness toward others and to forgive others as Christ forgave you. Its a mouthful to say and act out.

I have one last scripture and one last thought to share. You might be surprised what is tagged on to the Lords prayer.

Matthew 6:9-21 (KJV) After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. 10 Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven. 11 Give us this day our daily bread. 12 And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. 13 And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen.
14 For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:15 But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
16 Moreover when ye fast, be not, as the hypocrites, of a sad countenance: for they disfigure their faces, that they may appear unto men to fast. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward. 17 But thou, when thou fastest, anoint thine head, and wash thy face; 18 That thou appear not unto men to fast, but unto thy Father which is in secret: and thy Father, which seeth in secret, shall reward thee openly. 19 Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: 20 But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal:

21 For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also

The Treasure is love, kindness and forgiveness. Found in Jesus and lived out. Its not bitterness. Can I ask you this? Are you Born again? Has Gods forgiveness meant anything to you? Has your heart softened because he forgave you? such that you extend mercy to others?

Lets clear things up. Isn’t being Born again about a changed heart? Is real treasure found in getting – “even” ? Maybe you should take time and give up. Give up. Let God and Let God. Surrender to God. Surrender Your heart so you can get Jesus and his character. You can still cautiously protect yourself without Hate. There is a treasure in getting Jesus that isn’t about a future heaven but about now. Its about the Love and character of selfless Christianity.

You know, I must have started to go to church then. I just don’t know where this positive message of forgiveness would have come from otherwise. I have had to re-learn it over and over again, over the years . Forgiveness is the best medicine a person can take. It is Chicken soup for the Soul.

Published by Evolution is a Hoax

I am a born again Christian. John 3:16 1 John 4:7-8

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